Made-up Names

Among all the names and files I work with every day at both of my jobs, there are a good number of people that have just made up names for themself.  Lots of Jacks and Joes who apparently just decided upon their own names.  Does anyone else find that weird?  Names don't work like that; you can't just pick.  You can have nicknames, but it seems like cheating to just pick an entirely different name for yourself.  It amuses me.

So, on that note, I'll throw out a questions: If you could rename yourself, what new name would you pick?

Lessons

Hmm...I've been waiting to have some coherent and interesting train of thought before I posted, but nothing has come to mind, so I figured I'd post something anyway.

I went from being calloused to extremely emotional last night: fruit of my human-ness and a lack of rest/relaxation.  You know, there are people around the world who have to work like 10 or 12 hours a day or more.  I feel a little ridiculous for complaining about a lack of free time.  I am coming to the conclusion, though, that however "easy" my days may be, I am absolutely incapable of getting through my days on my own.  I'm thwarted by the smallest tasks, discouraged by the smallest "to do" list.  I love completing things and always feel burdened by tasks that still haven't been finished, even easy or fun tasks.  I always feel behind in my relationships: Many of you probably know the feeling; there's always that list of people that you sincerely love and miss but never get to hang out with.  There are probably so many people who would look at my "burdens" and just laugh, but I guess they prove the weakness of mankind and our need for God.  I cannot get through anything without the Lord's strength and encouragement and wisdom.  I am so thankful that He makes them available to me.

Transition is something I need all of God's strength for as well.  I remember feeling so out of place my freshman year at Truman, feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere any more.  I was just getting to know people at college, so I didn't really feel known there, but, if I went home, I didn't belong there anymore either.  Then, as I was at Truman longer, my friendships grew, and I felt like I'd found a place for myself at Truman.  But, I guess I have to draw the lesson that I'm never truly going to find my place here on earth, before Jesus Christ returns.  Seasons are always changing.  Getting married has definitely been a change of seasons--a great, worthwhile one, but it's brought with it that "out of place" feeling that comes with transitions.  College students live spontaneously, making plans about half a minute before they put them into action: Work/marriage makes spontaneity like that pretty difficult.  Most of my best friends are still single, and, being graduated and off campus, I don't get to see Truman people very much.  hmm...It's natural, I know, and it's not like I don't have incredible friends that are completely there for me.  Praise Christ that this world is not our home and that He is preparing a place for us where we will perfectly belong.

Tonight, I get to hang out with my little sister and watch High School Musical and make pizza and a lamb cake. (It's not actually made of lamb; just a lamb mold, although it is kind of creepy to like cut the lamb mold up and eat it.)  Yay for sisters!  And that's the end.  Blessings on you all.

Just some thoughts

"He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him." ~Psalm 18:30

This verse had me almost in tears last night.  How precious that God shields all who take refuge in Him.  What a compassionate God.

I am so blessed and so unworthy of all my blessings, and I'm very aware of both these things right now.  I enjoyed such a sweet lunch with my mom today, covering everything from Shannon's emerging sense of humor to God's tendency to let His people be weak.  I have jobs that are growing more and more interesting, with people that I'm growing more and more fond of.  I got to celebrate a friend's birthday last night with friends that are so precious to my heart and totally won both rounds of the game A-Z :)  When I was tired and feeling a little ill yesterday, my husband just treated me like a princess, rubbing my back and doing dishes and encouraging me.  I have umpteen Bibles on shelves at home--the Word of God constantly available.  I have a father and pastor that I truly love and respect and a church that feels just like family.  Spring is coming, when God will showcase a glimpse of His identity as Life-Giver and Renewer in creation.  I have had about an hour of quiet, free time in the middle of my workday.

But I don't deserve all this.  May I never take this all for granted or forget just how unworthy a servant is receiving all these good gifts.  As I study God's Word, I realize more and more how weighty are words are, how much they matter.  Yet I speak so carelessly, so often.  Don't know the line between good humor and worthless, gross words in God's eyes.  I see that a wife is to be a crown to her husband--one who helps him and brings him joy and honor and other good things.  Yet often, in public and private, I bring him shame or disrespect by my words, actions, and attitudes.  And, as I'm reading The Heavenly Man, I recognize that God is worthy of such devotion, such self-sacrificing love and boldness, that my heart just weeps over how much my flesh reigns in my life.

Praise God that He still shields me, as I run to Him for refuge.  Christ is mine, for I know that I need Him desperately.  God is so merciful and so kind, even to the most undeserving.  May we rest in that and be so thankful.

Rhubarb, Laundry, and Sunshine

hmm...this is one of those entries when I don't really know what I want to write.  I can start with praising God for the weather.  I love spring.  LOVE it.  It's my favorite season.  Every winter, I just try to get through and enjoy the snow and try not to complain about the cold and try not to think about spring coming, so I won't get too impatient.  The result of that is that, somehow, every year, spring suprises me.  So I've just been amazed today to realize that the weather really is going to get warmer, and things are going to become green again, and there will be flowers and rhubarb at the farmer's market, that I'll be able to enjoy being outside again, that there will be picnics and walks and star-gazing and birds chirping and ultimate frisbee again.  What a joy.

let's see...Oh, I have a confession for you all.  I probably shouldn't tell, but I think it's funny enough to be worth sharing.  Jeff and I went over to my parent's to do laundry last night.  I was pretty tired, but I ran a white load through, and then some sheets.  As I was holding the white load, I started smelling some of the shirts, because, you know, I like the smell of clean laundry like most people.  Unfortunately, this laundry did not smell like clean laundry.  Some of the shirts actually smelled distinctly of B.O.  So I very calmly went upstairs to my husband and inquired as to whether he had remembered to put the laundry detergent in with the white load, and he informed me that I was the one who had put in that load.  I fought it for a few minutes, but then had to agree that I, in fact was the culprit.  I would love to tell you that we then stayed at my parents an extra hour and a half and re-washed that load of laundry, but all that I can honestly say is that we have a significantly smaller quantity of Febreze in the bottle today than we had yesterday.

And, now that that nastly little story is told, here's a huge praise: I've been in a spiritual valley for quite a while, it seems like.  Hard to pinpoint how long, because, as most of you know, when you're in the valley, it feels like you've been there forever.  I couldn't pinpoint all the reasons I was in the valley, either, but God had chosen to let me be there.  I praise Him for it, even though I'm not sure what all He has been teaching me in that time.  But, here's my praise: the last couple of days have been truly, truly joyful and full of peace and spiritual sunlight.  I feel like I've broken through clouds to a blue sky above.  He's restored the joy of my salvation, and I praise Him for being my Glory and my Refuge.

Hope you are all well.  Much love to you.

~Ally

The Amusing and the Serious

I'm finding I have a harder time writing on Xanga since I started working full-time at jobs that require me to be on the computer a lot.  It makes typing seem not as enjoyable.  So, sorry for the sporadicness of my Xangaing (I think I just made up two words for that sentence).

I've had some really enjoyable times over the past week that I praise God for - broomball and quality time with some good friends and a Super Bowl party and good conversations with my husband. 

Jeff and I were sharing phone stories this week from the office, and here were some of our favorites:

• Tuesday morning, I was really tired and out-of-it.  A lawyer from Kansas City called, and, as I was taking his phone number, I asked what his area code was.  He was being all jokesy and said, "You don't know the area code in Kansas City?  I know the area code in Kirksville!"  So I just said, "Well, you're the winner."  My mom was doing something next to me and just started laughing.  I suppose that's not what you're supposed to say to attorneys on the phone, but I was tired and honestly wasn't sure what else to say: He knew more area codes than I did.  Yay, him; what else do you say to that?
• Jeff answered the phone this week and simultaneously fell out of his chair.
• I had a woman call me "babe" this week on the phone.  I hung up the phone, and this dialogue took place:

Me to the other secretary I work with: "I just got called babe.  I've been called hun before, but never babe." 

One of the attorneys in the next room hears me and yells out: "Want us to sue 'em?" 

Me: "Nah, it was a woman."

My mom: "I've talked to that lady before, and she's never called me babe before." 

Me: "I can call you babe, if it would make you feel better, Mom."

Oh, funnies from my work day...

On a more serious note, it's actually been a pretty hard week for me, spiritually and emotionally.  I can't even pin-point it, but it's been a combination of feeling lonely as far as friendships with other women, being concerned with how my relationship with God is going, and having that concern supplemented by a whole lot of lies and fear and anxiety and discouragement.  Another burden has been feeling completely inept at knowing how to honor God and share the Gospel in my workplace and just feeling discontent with how I spend my days.

God is faithful, though, as always.  My husband has been an incredible listener and a great encouragement.  I've been reminding myself of something a discipler of mine told me once: If you feel like your relationship with God is disappointing to God, that you're so far from where He wants you to be, there isn't a huge long process to making that right.  In a way, it's not even a big deal.  It matters, course, but all that it takes to make everything right is to bow your knee, go before God, and repent.  He forgives and restores.  It's as simple as that.

I don't even know right now the extent to which my life is disappointing to God, the areas of sin in my life that I'm blinded to, or if what I've been feeling has been a lie from the Evil One.  But I choose to trust Christ as my Righteousness. I give the burden to God, and He carries it.  He will discipline me as He sees fit.  I have come before God and put my trust in Christ, and so I am RIGHT with God.

As far as all the rest--loneliness, discontent - Will a good, compassionate Father neglect to give all good things, in time, to his child that is completely right with him?  No.  In the end, I will see that God has withheld nothing good from me.  So I will trust Him now.